The past few days or week has been really dark for me. It started with being 'dumped' by a long time though rather distant friend. Yeah, that hurt but not like it would have if we had been meant to be friends now. So I processed it, appreciated the time we had and sent love her way.
But there was a much bigger process about to begin and I didn't even realize it. After saying goodbye to my friend, I felt better. I felt freer and lighter and even a bit excited. And none of that was what I expected to feel. Those feelings told me I was taking right action.
Of course, those feelings weren't the only ones I had and this situation opened up a deep black questioning for me.
How should my life be? What do I want to fill my life? Where do I have that and what am I missing?
I have made some big changes and requested help for the big changes in my life that I need but can't do by myself.
Something inside of me snapped and I really don't feel like the same person. I feel like I have had a quantum shift.
I was about to say that I wish I knew what that means for me next or where I am going but then I realized, before I could even type it, that just isn't true. I don't want to know right now.
I am still tender. I have to laugh when I think of my favorite aunt who has always said that I have a tender heart. I do. I don't wear it on my sleeve but all over me like skin.
And yet I have been told repeatedly how strong I am.
I am both.
I am both.
Today I am feeling tender, a bit raw but hopeful nonetheless.
Tomorrow, I will be ready for you when you get here.
Instead of sharing a photo of mine as I often do, I am including this link that really made me laugh. I want you to laugh. As much and as heartily as you can, every day. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UTdhK0lwuw
Life doesn't have to be what we expect. It can be what we want.