Monday, June 29, 2009

I don't understand.

I made a quick trip out. There were these beautiful clouds. They were all white and pink with bits of gray at the bottom. Scattered all over the sky. Really great.
I went into Petsmart for one thing and Krogers for 3 things. I came right back out. This is what happened to the clouds.
They are turning gray in a matter of minutes. Couldn't have been more than 10 minutes total.
So I am really taken with this, wondering what is going on. I walk around the parking lot with my camera. I took photos for a few moments and turned back around to these clouds pictured and this is what they looked like.
Just moments. And I don't understand this. Did the clouds absorb moisture so quickly? I know that it is humid here but my goodness. MINUTES!
If anyone out there knows if this is some atmospheric effect or if it's clouds doing their best sponge imitation, let me know. I need to know!!!!

Coming along...

I am delighted. No other way to say it.
I dreamed of a life where I got to do what I was meant to do. Help people and make stuff. And now I am here.
My business is growing. I have been focusing on the creative part as it is where I felt drawn. Here are a few of my newest listings on etsy.
A day or so ago, my father in law and I had a little Facebook conversation about living a dream. He pointed out that, and I am relating this according to my understanding, that there is living in a dream and living in reality. I didn't do a good job of differentiating between living in a dream and living a dream. Everything that we create begins as a thought, whether we are conscious of it or not.
He mentioned that he never dreamed of living in the US but now he does. But if we think longingly of something, isn't that dreaming? Is this just a matter of terminology? Or is it an issue of our willingness to dream and be open to owning that dream?
Ah, see this is what happens when I have idle hands.
Back to my point, weak though it was.
I am delighted that my 'job' is to create. To work with silver or beads or fibers or whatever calls to me that day, that moment.
People are starting to respond to my offerings. I have regular sales and that is AMAZING!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I am so excited. It is not only that I am bringing money into the house with my creativity. It is that people actually like my stuff (as I so eloquently call it) that they will pay for it and bring it into their lives.
Yeah, life is simply amazing. Thanks, life!

I wanna...

I wanna be at the beach, with the sand and the waves, rushing ever toward me, like a group of old friends.
I wanna be a seagull, catching a current and rising ever higher, then as ancient wisdom dawns, fly out to chase the fishing boats.
I wanna be a tiny crab, moving fast and sideways, making little kids laugh and old women shriek like I could do anything to them.
I wanna be seaglass, in the water for ages, forgetting my own origin, just going with the tumble of the sea, only to make it to shore one day and scooped up by a passerby who will make me a part of something beautiful.
I wanna be the air on a perfect day, sunny, and cloudy, misty and dry, when the air might carry a chill or a warm blush, but never fire.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Where's my damn PARADE?

Where? I want to know!
There must be one. There SHOULD be one.
Today, without any ticker tape parade or banners or signs or balloons or fanfare or cake I got MULTIFOCAL contacts! How fricking old am I??????????
I tried. For almost a year, I tried to ignore that I couldn't see very well up close. I have been wearing glasses since the 5th grade. Couldn't that buy me an out of this whole reading glasses thing? Apparently not. Is there an appeals department? Who can I talk to about this?
I sucked it up and went in to the eye doctor to deal with this issue. It was no big deal to them.
My heart was pounding. Wouldn't that just perfect the clutching my chest as I drop to the floor with my multi focused eyes rolling in the back of my head.
Think I am being melodramatic? Then you are under 40.
I turned 40 with not only acceptance but with some degree of relish. We had a costume party where everyone came as their favorite magical creature or character. We had a grand time and I knew that I was coming into a time in my life that would be marked with a new independence. I am planning on swimming with the dolphins for my 50th. In case I don't take that birthday well, I can just keep swimming out to sea!
But this isn't independence. Hell, this is co-dependence. I am dependent on both distant AND up close up vision correction.
You can give me no line progressive lenses in my new funky frames. You can give me multi focal contacts that no one will detect. My talented sister can color my hair. But we can't change the fact that my time is marching on.
I don't really regret the passing of time. But there is more that I want to do. Like have my hair be naturally pigmented again and be able to see without a prescriptive lens. And skydive and go to Iceland and bike the Italian countryside and be crazy rich and just have a life that really takes my breath away.
I know that having multi focal lenses doesn't preclude those things but I am suddenly feeling like Indiana Jones in The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. "I am too old for this shit."
No wait, that can't be right. I am too young, right?
Okay, maybe this is my pity party. As soon as I get used to my new lenses, then I will forget.
Well, at my age, I guess that is an inevitability.
At least I am a step closer to one of my most sacredly held life be eccentric.
There is that.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Sunday Afternoon

Just kicking back this afternoon.
Earlier Stuart and I went to see Pelham 123. It was an oddly fast moving flick though there wasn't that much action. We both enjoyed it and it was good to get out of the house for a while.
Afterward, we stopped at Target to pick up some cat act of self preservation as the cats were starting to eye us up. I stopped in the internal Starbucks for my fav...Java Chip Double Blended No Whip. I stood waiting for the yummy frozen delight when I looked up and noticed how pretty the light and art work was. So glad I always have my camera.
I was actually struck how much beauty is around us. Even while just out getting a drink. It is amazing how much art we are surrounded by and I couldn't be happier about that.
I found out this morning that my etsy shop is now featured on as a Designer featuring Elaine Ray beads. Cool. I love her stuff. In fact, I will need to make more because the earrings that I had in the shop with her beads sold yesterday!
Working on finishing up a baby hat this afternoon. Feeling pretty unmotivated. But in a good way.
The dogs are curled up with me (read 'on me') and life is feeling good.
Tomorrow is a day of have to do's. Car stuff, eye appointment, business license.
But that is tomorrow. Today is for taking the day slow. Too relaxed to type anymore...ah...

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Art of Allowing

I just finished a visualization. It was a guided one. But I didn't see much in my visualization. What struck me was that it didn't matter that I couldn't see myself all dressed up in the ballroom...don't ask, it doesn't really matter. I couldn't see my guides or know their names. But I felt everything. The energy of everything.
The biggest thing I took away from that was that I was okay with it, with all of it. The not knowing. There was no fear. No judgment. Just allowing.
I remember meeting up with David, a man that I had been involved with ages ago. We went for a walk and talked. I said to him that I was giving up judging others and had found that I had a lot more time. It was half meant to be funny but it was wholly true.
One of my cousins, Ray, whom I had not seen for ages, asked me when we met at a family funeral, "So I guess you are still liberal?" and I responded "Yes, more so, actually." He asked how I could be more liberal than I was before.
I said that I had since decided to be liberal enough to let everyone have their own opinion without having to argue about it.
It kind of surprises me but also delights me that I have been on this allowing and releasing journey for so long. I am happy knowing that I am growing more accepting in my life. This is not to say that I just fill my life with anything that rolls along. In fact, it is the allowing myself to have only certain things in my life, I am able to meet whatever rolls along, be grateful for it and then keep only what I want. What I truly want. Not just materially, either.
Today I am allowing myself to be. Be whatever is right for day.
Some would probably say that I am being unrealistic. That I NEED to worry or fear or 'get real'. Stuart watches MythBusters. One of the hosts, Adam, sometimes wears a shirt that says "I reject your reality and substitute my own."
So I'm good. I am allowing the next right thing.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

moo and the full moon

I am pretty excited. I had a great shop update yesterday. Some of the items are listed here. I am also excited that I am getting better at taking photos of my work. They were so bad last year that it was embarrassing. Now they are better and better.
It's a full moon tonight. I have really enjoyed sitting in my recliner (which I have to do tonight after my little fall down the stairs this morning) and watching the beautiful full moon. I wish that I could take a great photo of that but no such luck.
And I have just ordered my new business cards for my shop from the coolest place. It's called It's so fantastic. Thanks for turning me onto them, Suz! In 2 weeks, I will have some of the coolest cards around. Mini cards and a photo of my work on the front of each. AAAAAHHHHH! I am pretty jazzed.

Also pretty sleepy. Tomorrow is a creating day. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday are creating days. Thursdays are for photographing and Friday for listing my new work on etsy.
I am finding my own way to create and coach in the way that works best for me and that is also pretty exciting.

Now if only I could organize my studio (which in the summer I call my sweatshop) in a way that doesn't always end in chaos, I would truly be over the moon!
It's good to have something to look forward to.
Just a note to say thanks to all of you who support me, whether in my coaching practice, my creative endeavors, moral support. All of you in all ways. Thank you!