Thursday, November 5, 2009

Sharing the Wealth

Keeping that Blog Month Party rocking...
Today I found a no-nonsense blog. The author is talking about odd occurrences that have happened to her, especially around this halloween time. And I will add...with the full moon who knows what will happen.
Reading about her odd occurrences reminded me about something that happened to me a few years ago. Those of you who know me personally know that I have a small spinsock on my car. It makes me really happy to know that it is twirling wildly in the wind as I drive.
Anyway, one day I walked out to my car, which was parked in the mall parking lot. Gone! My little spinsock was gone. Someone had taken it. It was there when I left but gone when I returned. I wasn't thrilled but at least I knew that someone else would have the fun that I had enjoyed.

It happened to be around Halloween and by chance (divine intervention!) I came across a little ghost spinsock. Perfection! I put it on my car and life was good again.
A few days later I was sitting at the drive through window at the bank. I caught sight of my car in the bank window.
Yup, you guessed it. The little ghost was gone.
That wasn't the fun part. The best part was the original one had been replaced! Ghost gone, original one reattached.
I asked all of my friends if they had done it. No one had.
Ah, a mystery for the ages.
Moral of the story is that even criminals can show some restraint.
Or maybe that it is really cool connecting with new people.
Here is the link you have been waiting for!
And really, could I possibly love the name or spirit of the blog name anymore? I think not! Thanks, Kimberly for sharing!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


This month is one of creativity.
It is NaNoWriMo...National Novel Writing Month. It is NaBloPoMo...National Blog Posting Month. It is also AEDM...Art Every Day Month.
Lots of cool stuff going on.
In fact, just yesterday I was the guest speaker at a global teleseminar on creativity. So it is definitely in the air...all over the world.
I am participating in both NaBloPoMo and AEDM.
With the blog every day challenge, you are to do a blog post every day. Well, while I thought that was pretty cool, I decided to add a bit of a challenge to it. Sure, it is simply delightful to hear my own opinions (!) but what if I got to taste a bit of 30 other people's lives this month? How cool would that be?
So I decided to put this caveat to the challenge...each day find a new blog and leave a comment. I leave my name and my URL in case they would also like to reach out.
Tonight when I was visiting today's discovery, I decided that I would share the blog that I discovered each day and what it meant to me.
Today I found Farm Chicks,
The blog's owner is named Serena and her post today was about taking the long cut...opposite of short cut...home. She has the greatest photos of barns and farms from her drive home. Wow.
It got me thinking about the long way home. I have watched the moon become full this month and every time I stand out in the cool air, especially since the time change last weekend, it seems to me that time is slowing down. I let the air brush over me and feel the stress in my muscles drift away. It feels as if my spirit is expanding first within the confines of my body then reaching out to the sky itself.
There is so much going on in my life right now and yet there are these moments when I can take the long way. Maybe it is just leaning against the car for an extra moment before going in or standing in the night with the dogs for a few moments longer. Indy and Charlie, my little furry fellas, love standing nose in the air, sniffing for new. Fresh. Different. In no hurry to go anyway, just taking the long way.
Thanks, Serena, for sharing your long cut with me. It made a difference in my day!

Friday, October 9, 2009

The Price of Admission

My life over that past few weeks has been a study in deep dark. In shadows. Breakdowns. Broken hearts. Glimpses. Changes. Internal battles. Coming into a new awareness of me. Working the hard won epiphany.

So much goes on, moving fast and hard. Where the light did little more than highlight the dark. There was a heavy march of change. One that I felt was going to happen, had happened, whether I was ready or not. Maybe I just didn't realize how ready I was. Source seems to be bringing me, I seem to be attracting situations, that feel big...bigger than I can handle. A rush of emotions, of events. Change at gale force.

Through it all, I saw myself going through the 5 stages of grieving. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. I dance a quick 2 step through the stages. Bouncing forward. Jump back. Touch a toe here and then there.
I go through these stages as others do. Physically and emotionally. Intellectually.
When I go through what appears to be a difficult shift in situation or perspective, I deluge myself with the thought of what is. And won't be. It isn't to torture myself, though that may certainly be one outcome. I do it to force the change. No, not force the change. Push the acceptance.
While doing this, I feel weak and small and like everything I face is far bigger than me. But I keep going because that is how I am wired. I keep telling myself over and over what the changes mean until I can do it without tears. I can only imagine what it is like for those who are able to divorce themselves of attachment. That can compartmentalize. Can distract themselves. We all cope differently.
Then I can begin to see some light. Begin to see not just the dark but how the light lines it. Butts up to it. Exists side by side. I can begin to see that the dark doesn't bleed into the light the way that my fear bleed into my hope.
I start to see and feel the change as gradual. Though it may come as the first cool autumn day suddenly arrives, I know that it is over time. A bit at a time. For though a situation may change, its full impact is only felt when and how we process it. I can have a great loss and not know about it. While I am unaware, it makes no difference to me. When I discover this loss, then the journey begins. The denial. The blind rage. The begging. The shutdown. The knowing. And then moving on.
But it happens a bit at a time. At least for me.

I have long since thought of myself as a godspark. One little bit of source in a sea of other sparks. I felt small but like I could. I just could. Somehow make my way. I might know not exactly how to get where I am going. But to keep focused. If I all I could do is to keep my eye on the one foot in front of the other.
One morning, I opened the door to find this slug that had traveled on a rainy night up my storm door. When I opened the inner door I was face to literally face with him. I could see the circles where he can curled up and rested. His ascension trail. And I wondered why. Why did he do this? It takes a good amount of time and I am guessing energy to travel that much and against gravity to go up. But he did.
And if he could do this, without an evident to the outside world reason, then I too must be free to move in my own circles.
No one has to understand. No one else has to get on board for the ride.
And while I am a small part of the whole, I am not small. My circles will be evident. My presence known.
Especially if I take the risk to go further and outside lines, like this slug and Jonathon Livingston Seagull. Yeah, I might travel part way alone but I have decided it is worth the price of admission to extraordinary.

And even if I fly alone, to my grandest vision of me...even if I fly alone, I can know that there are others out there. Doing their thing. Getting all extraordinary and stuff. Knowing that it is a wild and delicious ride. Dips and all.
It is always in the knowing that I find my light. In the knowing, feel peace. In the knowing, know.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

this is my life

The past few days or week has been really dark for me. It started with being 'dumped' by a long time though rather distant friend. Yeah, that hurt but not like it would have if we had been meant to be friends now. So I processed it, appreciated the time we had and sent love her way.
But there was a much bigger process about to begin and I didn't even realize it. After saying goodbye to my friend, I felt better. I felt freer and lighter and even a bit excited. And none of that was what I expected to feel. Those feelings told me I was taking right action.
Of course, those feelings weren't the only ones I had and this situation opened up a deep black questioning for me.
How should my life be? What do I want to fill my life? Where do I have that and what am I missing?
I have made some big changes and requested help for the big changes in my life that I need but can't do by myself.
Something inside of me snapped and I really don't feel like the same person. I feel like I have had a quantum shift.
I was about to say that I wish I knew what that means for me next or where I am going but then I realized, before I could even type it, that just isn't true. I don't want to know right now.
I am still tender. I have to laugh when I think of my favorite aunt who has always said that I have a tender heart. I do. I don't wear it on my sleeve but all over me like skin.
And yet I have been told repeatedly how strong I am.
I am both.
I am both.
Today I am feeling tender, a bit raw but hopeful nonetheless.
Tomorrow, I will be ready for you when you get here.
Instead of sharing a photo of mine as I often do, I am including this link that really made me laugh. I want you to laugh. As much and as heartily as you can, every day.
Life doesn't have to be what we expect. It can be what we want.

Monday, September 21, 2009

it was a moment

source sent me a butterfly

it flew so close
and landed on my outstretched hand
i watched it tasting my skin
knowing it was the salt from
my tears

it was black and blue, like my heart
but shimmered
making the colors magic
not like pain

it came three times and went four
was it for the comfort it gave
or did that delicate touch bring me
remind me that the most delicious of connections are fleeting

i am supposed to be a big girl now
so evolved that i can just appreciate
the moments of have
and release the moments of have not

i am not

not yet

Thursday, September 17, 2009


I got dumped today.
In an email.
By a friend of about 15 or so years.
It is so weird. She just didn't want to be friends with me anymore. Nothing happened.
I feel so sad, so hurt, so angry. There are battle words within me. But, how could you, but, but, but, are you kidding me?
My eyes are sore from crying and as I write this around 2am, I am exhausted but not ready to sleep.
There is the part of me that says it's time. Maybe it has been for a long time.
One thing she said in her email was that the greatest gift you can give is the gift of time. I know that she meant time together.
But now, on this side of the friendship, I finally feel that I have the time. The time to move on. To let go. To open space for something else. Something that serves me. Something empowering.
I feel great love for her and always have. But we are in different spaces. Different perspectives.
It has me thinking of the things that I hang onto that perhaps I should have let go of before. But one thing that I have never been good at is letting go when there is love. I don't like to close doors. I don't know in this moment what will be true tomorrow or in 20 years. So how do I say goodbye? This is an 'adieu' God. Not an 'au revoir'...until we meet again.
I am going to be bare here...I don't understand saying goodbye to someone who you say you love. Okay, you don't want to be married to that person or date them or be friends but goodbye? I am in a time of transition. In my business, in my personal life. Looking at life creatively and deciding what I want more of, what I want less of. I want awesome friends. I have awesome friends now but I think what I was thinking about without realizing it was that I don't want uneven friendships. I want friends who are all in. That doesn't mean you are in each other's business all the time but it is knowing that person will be there for you, in the wild times, good and bad and the quiet times. That there is a connection between you that transcends emails, chat time and even time together.
It is that level of connection that I want.
This is the time in my life when okay isn't good enough.
And that is a good time. I think Bette Davis said "Hang on, it's going to be a bumpy ride."
Life is a bumpy ride but one that is really worth it.
I send a flood of love out there. Puffy eyes and a slightly bruised heart, all the while knowing that love is worth it all.

Friday, August 7, 2009

over it

You know what?
I am over it. I am over trying to figure out how to act so that everyone will find me the way they want me.
Tired of playing inside the lines. Living by anyone else's guidelines but my own.
Being a Libran, I want to be liked and acceptable. Even while I am writing this, I feel the instinct to sensor, to say what I want but in a way that is palatable.
Wide open.
I'm not for everyone. I am like a hurricane. My waves are big, thrilling. My winds are strong and powerful. Actually, I am like a hurricane level sunshower. I have light. I am not all dark and stormy and I don't want to be. I want to have FUN.
This is about acceptance. It isn't about others. It is about allowing myself what I want, to be who I am and to do it with relish! And not the pickle kind.
I love the quote from Vincent Van Gogh.
I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart.
- Vincent van Gogh
I am tired of living with a body that is too big to do the stuff I want to do.
I am tired of living in a house that is too small for what I want to do.
I am tired of living with a bank account that is too limiting for what I want to do.
Too little light.
Too much restriction.
Too many shoulds.
Not enough woohoos!

This isn't bitching. This is just to say that it is time. It's time to accept more. Not less. To accept what I want and not what I don't. I am guessing it is going to take some commitment. Take a strength that I must muster some time but it's worth it. To take no prisoners. Not to volunteer to be a prisoner, waiting in vain for someone to grant me parole.
To live without judgment of others or myself.
Yea, live without judgment.
Part of me wants to apologize to those whom will be uncomfortable with it but that's not up to me.
Being me, I send out WAVES of love and joy and light and everything FABULOUS! My wish for the world is the same one I wish for myself.
Live with joy! Live your dreams. Be who you are. Be present. Be love. Be joyful. Be grateful and have a great life. Have great expectations and hope like a kid on Christmas Morning. Be satisfied like you were with the best meal you have ever eaten. Forgive with abandon. Breathe with fullness. Love with no limits. Feel. Go for it, whatever it is.
love you all

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Too little or just right?

Spent the day in Kure and Wrightsville Beaches yesterday. Forgot how to use sunscreen apparently but enough of that.
I was watching, somewhat horrified, by the people fishing from the pier. They were catching lots of little fish and then going through what seems a horrible ritual of getting the hook out and throwing the fish back into the ocean. It was torture. Erik said we needed to move on.
As we were leaving the pier, there was a pelican who was sitting right on the rail. I was stepping closer and closer to catch this guy's photo.
But that wasn't the catch that he/she was interested in. There was an older woman who was fishing next to this guy and apparently they had an understanding.
She had a fish that was too small to keep but apparently the perfect size for a pelican's lunch.
This just made my heart soar. I think that this was one of the best moments of the day trip.
I went up to the woman and said that was the best thing I had ever seen done with a fish that was too small to keep. She gave me a far away smile, but said nothing. I guess it was just what she does. Period. Fantastic!

Some new lovelies are in the shop today!

I had fun this week. Though the number of additions to my shop is small, I absolutely love them. In fact, I may make some for myself! For those of you who know me, while I love designing jewelry, I really don't wear that much myself.
Here are the photos for this week!
I am already about half way through with a copper and pearl bracelet. It is loaded with pearls, each one hand wrapped on the bracelet. Really pretty.
in joy...

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Presto Change-O!

The day had finally arrived. I was getting close to whacking off my own hair but Sandy made me promise not to. It was only sisterly love (and a small bit of fear) that kept the hair on my head.
It was worth the wait!

This is the before shot...when I still have some hair and a lot of it was gray! Sandy waits in the wings to take center stage with her shears.

The Hairtiste prepares the new color that will be my new "natural" color.
Did I mention how much I love getting all hot under a dryer? Has menopause not given me enough of a power surge? I think I started the bitching after about 10 minutes. "how much longer? I think I am done now. How much longer?" Oh yeah, I was a peach. Sandy cranked up a room air conditioner just to try to keep me quiet. HA!

The new do. Expertly styled. Sandy suggested that I get my friend Erik to take a picture THAT DAY as she has no confidence that I would be able to replicate the look. Oh, ye of little faith.

The next day I find my hair dryer (wasn't really sure that I still had one). I found the little travel hair dryer in the back of the linen closet. I washed my hair and put the amazing smelling Morrocan Oil Hair Indulgence in my hair. I got my Mud stuff, the bedhead stuff and the hair spray. I dried and plucked and volumized and all sorts of things that looked like what Sandy did.
I called her in the afternoon and she agreed to give me a remedial drying lesson and didn't even say "I was afraid of this." Thank God I don't have a video phone because I would surely have seen an epic eye rolling.
Thanks, Sandy. For the hours of weaving and highlights and low lights and working on your day off and being an awesome sister. I love you and I love the new do!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Shop Update

Just a few photos from this week's shop update. Check out the little teaser...last photo here.

Pretty shell earrings, open and fun.

These earrings remind me of little worlds!

Good enough to eat...though probably hard on the teeth!

One of my favorites. Handcrafted fine silver piece of wearable art.
Oh how tweet! (sorry, I didn't want to resist!) I love this so MUCH!!! Will make its debut next week!
Visit the store by clicking here or clicking on the etsy link to the right. Enjoy!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

In the Pink!

I can't take credit for this photo. In fact, I would be happy to have just seen this beauty, sans camera. Just had to share.
"The world's only pink Bottlenose dolphin which was discoverd in an inland lake in Louisiana..."
Apparently this is what an albino dolphin looks like. How fantastic? Reports say that this sweetie is bright pink! The article ( says that conservationists are concerned about the impact that visitors could have. I have to admit...I SO wish that I could see this pink dolphin. I hate when I am who people are afraid of! But this makes me even more committed to my 50th bday celebration of swimming with the dolphins!
Go be whoever you are and shine in your own brilliance!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

A good deal and the best seat in town

Now this is what I call a deal! Joy for only a buck ninety nine! Woohoo!

This must be the only seat in the house...or maybe just the best. I was wrapping up this week's photo session for my shop update when I noticed that the two dogs and one of the cats were getting some Z's in on the couch.

A cleverly disguised hellion.

Scenes from Carrboro

This was a little family out for a walk. Lovely day. Me stopping by the bead store across the street. Hounds out on the town. Sorry about your head, dude. Was taking the photo at a stoplight. And you are quite tall.
Getting up close and personal with a lunching bee. Me, allergic to bee stings (though I have a sneaking suspicion that I have outgrown that!). Bee, reaping the sweet treats of a purple cone flower.
Said purple coneflower and its buds. Maybe a little pun intended.
Rudbeckia. One of my all time favs. I plucked a de-petaled stem for the seeds. They are currently riding around in my car, drying out, for some hopeful future planting joy.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Tap, tap

I am doing a thing called EFT. Emotional Freedom Technique. It's based on acupressure and helps you move through blocks. Helps you release stuff that you don't want to keep locked inside you and help move you to where you want to be.
Google it or look on you tube for some videos of how to do it.
What is so cool is how it is able to shift my energy so quickly. And that is a good thing, to quote Martha Stewart.
In just a few minutes I go from a place of feeling that the junk that is mucking up my system is reality to being calm and centered and being in the stream of Universal flow.
Entering that place of Pure Potential is an internal vacation.
I slow down. And in that place, I am most productive.
Hm, it sounds so good, I think I will go tap now.
Try it, you'll like it.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

scenes from a weekend

I was enchanted by this little hotdog cart that traveled in front of me on my way home from the grocery store. I wondered what it saw this weekend and where it had served up some yummy hot dogs.
Flags threw in lines at a nearby mall. Had to stop and take a few shots as they fluttered in a light breeze.
Flowers waiting for their new homes but not waiting to be fabulous.
A field of sunflowers in the middle of town.

My yummy watermelon. Entranced by the juicy pink, glistening in the kitchen light. Just had some of it and all I can say, mm, good.

I hope that you enjoyed your weekend and more than that, I hope you keep with you the feeling of expansion that long weekends bring. The feeling that you have the time to sleep late and to take your time through your day. That you can wander where your spirit leads you and that you feel happy.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Seeing red

Happy 4th of July weekend, everyone!
The red I am seeing today is not in our beautiful flag.
I went to the eye doctor again today. Follow up for my contact fitting. Did not go too well.
One of my contacts wasn't feeling good. So I told my doctor about it and he said that we would check it out on my follow up. That was today. There was a defect in one lens that I was having trouble with. They get me some more contacts and let me sit for a few minutes to let my eyes settle.
Yeah, when they were settling, my other eye goes crazy. A few minutes later...Red! My eye was red. First time ever that I go into an eye doctor's office with white eyes and come out with one red eye.
Something wrong with the new contact. Not too sure about this brand at this point but they assure me that it is a really good brand. Hm.
So they give me drops to take with me to help with the slight swelling in my eye. OMG.
The doc asked me if I was comfortable wearing my glasses for another day. Are you kidding?
I am now convinced that Lasik is in my future.

Monday, June 29, 2009

I don't understand.

I made a quick trip out. There were these beautiful clouds. They were all white and pink with bits of gray at the bottom. Scattered all over the sky. Really great.
I went into Petsmart for one thing and Krogers for 3 things. I came right back out. This is what happened to the clouds.
They are turning gray in a matter of minutes. Couldn't have been more than 10 minutes total.
So I am really taken with this, wondering what is going on. I walk around the parking lot with my camera. I took photos for a few moments and turned back around to these clouds pictured and this is what they looked like.
Just moments. And I don't understand this. Did the clouds absorb moisture so quickly? I know that it is humid here but my goodness. MINUTES!
If anyone out there knows if this is some atmospheric effect or if it's clouds doing their best sponge imitation, let me know. I need to know!!!!

Coming along...

I am delighted. No other way to say it.
I dreamed of a life where I got to do what I was meant to do. Help people and make stuff. And now I am here.
My business is growing. I have been focusing on the creative part as it is where I felt drawn. Here are a few of my newest listings on etsy.
A day or so ago, my father in law and I had a little Facebook conversation about living a dream. He pointed out that, and I am relating this according to my understanding, that there is living in a dream and living in reality. I didn't do a good job of differentiating between living in a dream and living a dream. Everything that we create begins as a thought, whether we are conscious of it or not.
He mentioned that he never dreamed of living in the US but now he does. But if we think longingly of something, isn't that dreaming? Is this just a matter of terminology? Or is it an issue of our willingness to dream and be open to owning that dream?
Ah, see this is what happens when I have idle hands.
Back to my point, weak though it was.
I am delighted that my 'job' is to create. To work with silver or beads or fibers or whatever calls to me that day, that moment.
People are starting to respond to my offerings. I have regular sales and that is AMAZING!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I am so excited. It is not only that I am bringing money into the house with my creativity. It is that people actually like my stuff (as I so eloquently call it) that they will pay for it and bring it into their lives.
Yeah, life is simply amazing. Thanks, life!

I wanna...

I wanna be at the beach, with the sand and the waves, rushing ever toward me, like a group of old friends.
I wanna be a seagull, catching a current and rising ever higher, then as ancient wisdom dawns, fly out to chase the fishing boats.
I wanna be a tiny crab, moving fast and sideways, making little kids laugh and old women shriek like I could do anything to them.
I wanna be seaglass, in the water for ages, forgetting my own origin, just going with the tumble of the sea, only to make it to shore one day and scooped up by a passerby who will make me a part of something beautiful.
I wanna be the air on a perfect day, sunny, and cloudy, misty and dry, when the air might carry a chill or a warm blush, but never fire.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Where's my damn PARADE?

Where? I want to know!
There must be one. There SHOULD be one.
Today, without any ticker tape parade or banners or signs or balloons or fanfare or cake I got MULTIFOCAL contacts! How fricking old am I??????????
I tried. For almost a year, I tried to ignore that I couldn't see very well up close. I have been wearing glasses since the 5th grade. Couldn't that buy me an out of this whole reading glasses thing? Apparently not. Is there an appeals department? Who can I talk to about this?
I sucked it up and went in to the eye doctor to deal with this issue. It was no big deal to them.
My heart was pounding. Wouldn't that just perfect the clutching my chest as I drop to the floor with my multi focused eyes rolling in the back of my head.
Think I am being melodramatic? Then you are under 40.
I turned 40 with not only acceptance but with some degree of relish. We had a costume party where everyone came as their favorite magical creature or character. We had a grand time and I knew that I was coming into a time in my life that would be marked with a new independence. I am planning on swimming with the dolphins for my 50th. In case I don't take that birthday well, I can just keep swimming out to sea!
But this isn't independence. Hell, this is co-dependence. I am dependent on both distant AND up close up vision correction.
You can give me no line progressive lenses in my new funky frames. You can give me multi focal contacts that no one will detect. My talented sister can color my hair. But we can't change the fact that my time is marching on.
I don't really regret the passing of time. But there is more that I want to do. Like have my hair be naturally pigmented again and be able to see without a prescriptive lens. And skydive and go to Iceland and bike the Italian countryside and be crazy rich and just have a life that really takes my breath away.
I know that having multi focal lenses doesn't preclude those things but I am suddenly feeling like Indiana Jones in The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. "I am too old for this shit."
No wait, that can't be right. I am too young, right?
Okay, maybe this is my pity party. As soon as I get used to my new lenses, then I will forget.
Well, at my age, I guess that is an inevitability.
At least I am a step closer to one of my most sacredly held life be eccentric.
There is that.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Sunday Afternoon

Just kicking back this afternoon.
Earlier Stuart and I went to see Pelham 123. It was an oddly fast moving flick though there wasn't that much action. We both enjoyed it and it was good to get out of the house for a while.
Afterward, we stopped at Target to pick up some cat act of self preservation as the cats were starting to eye us up. I stopped in the internal Starbucks for my fav...Java Chip Double Blended No Whip. I stood waiting for the yummy frozen delight when I looked up and noticed how pretty the light and art work was. So glad I always have my camera.
I was actually struck how much beauty is around us. Even while just out getting a drink. It is amazing how much art we are surrounded by and I couldn't be happier about that.
I found out this morning that my etsy shop is now featured on as a Designer featuring Elaine Ray beads. Cool. I love her stuff. In fact, I will need to make more because the earrings that I had in the shop with her beads sold yesterday!
Working on finishing up a baby hat this afternoon. Feeling pretty unmotivated. But in a good way.
The dogs are curled up with me (read 'on me') and life is feeling good.
Tomorrow is a day of have to do's. Car stuff, eye appointment, business license.
But that is tomorrow. Today is for taking the day slow. Too relaxed to type anymore...ah...