Thursday, April 30, 2009


Beth invited me for a visit. Last minute sort of thing. Normally I would have said no but after years of hearing "Just say no", I decided to say yes. I jumped in the car the next day, and 4 hours later, we were all together again.
This is my unbelievably cute little niece, Kylie. I love this photo of her. She is showing me wind. Can't you just see it? It was a beautiful day. We were sitting out on their back deck and those little helicopter seeds, all pink and fluttery, were showering down on us with fantastic frequency. When the breeze picks up, Kylie announces, with a flourish, its arrival. Priceless!
She is also really taken with Bumbles. They have a fair population of fat bumble bees and Kylie is very fond of their flight. Just say Bumble and she immediately looks towards their flight path.
We had a great time and I can't lie and say that my heart didn't melt (ah, the double negative) every time Kylie would hold up her hand to take my finger and lead me somewhere. Oh. my. goodness. Too sweet. I was a puddle.
I watch Beth with Kylie. Beth is one of those women who is born to be a mother. Not to say that she isn't highly talented elsewhere but she brings a passion to mothering that is admirable.
I listen to them when they are downstairs. Laughing. The conversation that goes on between them. One that they understand effortlessly. I have to figure out a lot. They have their own rhythm. Crackers, milk. Cinderella. Which is pronounced something like "Oy Oy". The phone, kisses, walks, it all goes on beautifully.
I call Beth and her family the Sunshine Family. For those of you not old enough to remember, they were the perfect little family of dolls. That's them. Dog included.
I look at them and wonder what it would be like to have a child. Life is so much about choices and having a child never really came up. It may sound odd but the fact is that I adore kids but only fleetingly have thought of having one.
I admire those people who are able to raise a child and do anything else at all in life. I think if I had a kid, that would be it. I would be a nightmare. Talk about tunnel vision.
I am rambling. I am so tired. Time for bed. Ah, yes...that was the reason that I was never serious about total selfish need for sleep.
Sleep tight, Kylie. Thanks for the hugs and kisses.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

the $25,000 bracelet

When I was in New York, my dear friend Carolena, a native New Yorker and fellow coach and jewelry designer, took me to the jewelry district. It was amazing. More diamonds than I have ever seen. Huge diamonds. Yellow, pink, clear dazzling diamonds in so many sizes, shapes and colors. Sparkly.
One of the things that I found so amazing was the shopkeepers. They beckon to the window shoppers from inside the store. Carolena told me that if it hadn't been drizzling, they would be outside trying to herd people in. Weird. Definitely not my experience in North Carolina.
As we walked, I saw things that I was really attracted to, things I loved and things I found incredibly gaudy. But one thing that they had in common was that they were all pretty damn expensive. But free to look at.
Carolena found this bracelet in the window. She was so taken with it immediately. Love at first sight.
I said, "Why don't you go in and try it on" thinking that she would just say no, that was okay. But she said yes. YES!
So in we go.
There was a great salesman in there, though for the life of me, I can't remember his name. I want to say it started with an N but nevermind. I remember that his kids have hermit crab that have been handed down 3 times and which now reside with him but I can't remember his name.
We had a great chat. Carolena asked to see the piece. The guy was smooth. He had it out and before we knew it, the clasp was making that satisfying click as the bracelet encircled her wrist. Perfectly. She loved it on as much as she she did in the window. It looked even more expensive up close. Here I was thinking that I didn't want the guy to know that it was a ruse that we could even afford to consider the bracelet. Just posing as abundant. But he didn't seem to care nor did Carolena.
The salesman wanted to know if she wanted to take it home. She said no, not right then. We took a look at the price tag. Almost $25,ooo. Holy toledo!
I was trying to act cool and said hm, $25,ooo. He tells me quickly that isn't the final price. He goes to $11, 800. Okay, huge discount but still huge price tag. We finished a really fun chat. The exhilaration hit me and I wanted to start bargaining with him. I was possessed but to what end what I negotiating? It was just game on and I was ready to play! Eventually we left the store.
I told Carolena that I was so proud of her just trying it on. Why would this be such a big deal for me?
It's all about how I see myself. Am I the kind of person who could afford a $25,ooo bracelet? And regardless of my bank balance, would I try it on?
Clearly, I don't. Didn't. Maybe still don't, I am not sure.
That got me to thinking about what I can expect in my life if I put limits on it. If I don't let myself entertain a $25,ooo bracelet then I will never be able to afford one.
Maybe I won't have ever have such a pricey bracelet. But why not earrings? ;) Or a pendant and why not $250,000?
This is an abundant, feeling Universe in which we live. I am practicing feeling more abundant. I have always had what I expected and never had what I didn't. No more, no less.
I have been playing this great game called The Prosperity Game. Check out to play for free. It is so much fun.
One thing that happened while I was in New York was that my iPod touch and I parted ways. I think I know when but can't be 100% sure. And it doesn't really matter. I called the restaurant for the 3 days that I was there. No one ever saw it. Oh well.
Perhaps it was a bus boy who might not ever be able to afford one and who might really love it. Good fortune for him. Good lesson for me.
The same thing bothered me about my independent iPod and my lost job...the money. That was the only thing. Scarity.
Well, in my new vein of receiving, I was able to most gratefully accept an iPod Touch from one of my dearest friends, Michelle. I went over to see her when I returned home and in a moment of sheer generosity, Michelle offered me hers. I said no maybe 3 or so times. Each time I heard myself telling the Universe that I was refusing what I wanted. It was coming to me easily and effortlessly. I say this is what I want but when it happens I say, no? That can't be right.
So I asked her if she was sure. She told me that if I took hers, then she could get a new one. She wanted a bigger one. I think she just wanted to express her love and give me something that would really mean a lot to me.
I said yes. She gave it to me immediately. Wow. How amazing is that? That is coming from a place of abundance for sure.
Every single time I use it, and I use it all the time, I think of her and smile with gratitude. It was a great gift in so many ways. The sheer fact of it, the impulse to give joy. Wow.
This path of abundance and receiving is new to me on this scale. But one of my greatest joys is learning. Learning that this Universe supports each of us in the way that we expect really does make me want to raise my expectations.
I am all for trying. Wait, is that Yoda's voice I hear "There is no try. Only do or do not."
I have this great magnet on my frig with a photo of an older, kind of fluffy woman, in a dress with an umbrella in one hand and her purse in another, running at her top speed for the waves. The caption is "Ever notice that 'What the Hell' is always the right answer?"
Try the bracelet on, world. Try the bracelet on!
Say YES to the Universe!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

come to the cliff

Last week, I went to Manhattan to meet the people that I work with at International Coach Academy. It was an extraordinary time! Finally meeting women that I have only spoken to for the past year. We had a great time.
One of the most important things I took away from it was that I am truly part of a team. That it is a team that supports each of us in our own individual way. That we are part of something that is much larger and going to make a huge difference in the world.
Last night I got fired. Oh Team, thou art a fickle partner.
They are moving into the future in a truly big way. And apparently, I am not the aggressive sales person that they will need to take them there.
I agree, actually. I have no interest in being that kind of a sales person. I am a coach and a light to help others see their own brilliance. I am a creative. Here to bring joy and beauty into the world.
So I have come to the edge of the cliff...I feel the wind blowing up from below. It is exhilarating as I look across and up into the sky. I don't look down because that is lined with fear and you don't catch an air current on fear.
I am stepping off the edge. I have faith that I will fly. I can't see my wings. I haven't passed this way before, but I am here now. Ready to step off the edge of known, off the path someone else has trodden flat to find my own way.
And I feel more ready for this than I ever have.
The CEO of the company is an extraordinary woman. I have often compared myself to her in a most uncomplimentary way. Spending time with her and then having this experience has been an eye opener for me. She truly is a visionary. And I am extraordinary on a person to person basis. She has her strengths and I have mine.
It makes me wonder about how many times I have played on someone else's field, with their game ball and their rules and tried to quantify my success, my own worth.
The last few years have been ones of extreme growth. I will play with others. I will meet them on their field for a visit but I now have my own home field. I have my own rules.
It is about time.
I recently spoke with a man who had lost a public re-election. He said he lost in the "Obama Bubble". He didn't take much responsibility for the loss which I could comment on but really, it was what he said later that really stood out. He said that he was released for something greater.
Amen. And bring it on. I am ready. I am ready.

Be the Filter

Yesterday I had the pleasure of attending a teleseminar by Joe Nunziano, author of Spiritual Selling. One of the things that he was talking about is asking ourselves if we are filters or sponges for others' energy. That is easy for me to answer.
Call me Sponge Ellie.
This is really important. Because what you feel is what you will call into your life. I know that there is lots of talk about just think about what you want and you will manifest it. But it is what you feel. This is a feeling Universe.
Last week I had what I will call a growth experience. One of my co-workers and I came at something from different angles. I think we were heading in the same direction but it sure didn't feel like it. I got hurt feelings. I aroused trust issues in her. And on it went. Others got involved and it felt like the battlelines were drawn. Ugh.
No battle ever ensued but there is still healing to be done. I want to reach out but I haven't processed fully yet. I just know that I want to come from a place of love. That day, I came from a place of hurt and fear. Take it from me, that is not productive.
Back to the sponge and the filter. I believe that I have a deep seated belief that I am just not good enough...not for anything particular...just not good enough. I am working on this. But I was thinking that there is no room for the Universe to bring something new in. I recycle this yuck energy round and round. It is depleting. When I release it, then I am able to open up to something new. New energy, new opportunities.
Joe talks in his book about surrounding ourselves with positive people. I will be honest that this is not always easy. Those I love aren't always positive...sometimes for a long stretch. So how do I stay positive? So far, I have been greatly affected.
But I want to use this filter idea. I want to take in what comes and then choose what I want and then let the rest flow on through. Too often I absorb others' negative energy or recirculate my own. This doesn't feel good. And if what I am feeling isn't good, then what I get won't either.
The photo I chose today is from the Renaissance Festival in North Carolina, somewhere near Charlotte. It is a

Monday, April 6, 2009

Feeling it

Photo credit goes to my sister, Sandy. I love this photo she recently took of a storm that was rolling in. The colors are just beautiful.
I went to visit her today and as it would happen, storms were rolling in and out. My drive was torrential rain. Trucks trailed rain in puffs like PigPen and his personal dust cloud. Sudden clearing followed by blinding rain and hazard lights.
On the way home, I watched a front roll in. The line of clouds was strong and clear. White clouds, without the threat of rain. And with as much rain as we have had lately, it is a threat, not the treat that it normally is.
Today, I don't want to be clever, or funny. Not insightful or thoughtful or even pseudo-philosophical.
Today I just want to be.
When I got near home, I opened my window. The wind from the storm was electric. Like it reached in and lifted me. I rolled the passenger's window down and for a moment wondered if I had anything that might blow out of the car. Then I didn't care.
It was a transcendental moment. Just me and the wind. The sky was dramatic. The temperature temperamental. Cool was coming.
The sun behind me. The dark clouds in front and the air all around.
It felt so good.
And in a feeling universe, I am not sure that it gets much better than that.