Saturday, May 30, 2009

Makes me Happy

It's time for a change. I have let myself get way way overweight.
I am tired. I don't get to do lots of fun stuff that I know I would do if my body was fit. I want to swim with the dolphins for my 50th (ah!) birthday in a few years.
I want to skydive. Hike without going into some death match for oxygen. Hell, walk up several flights of stairs without that fight. Have fun clothes. Have a ton of money to spend at J Jill and look crazy good in the clothes.
Losing weight is not about changing your food and your exercise level. It is about changing your mind about who you are.
Right now, I am a fat person.
Some say that weight keeps us safe...keeps us safe from having to get too close to others. That is certainly not the case for me. Relationships have never been a problem for me. Well, not since kindergarten anyway.
For me, it is a way to slow me down. I am afraid that I will be an out of control hurricane. There will be no stopping me and I am afraid that will annihilate those around me.
Well I am tired. Not just of being tired but of not having the energy to live the life that I want. It's my time. And I am ready to roll.
ps- the photo is one I did with a great new iTunes app called TextDraw. I think that it is what it is called. So much fun.

Friday, May 29, 2009

weather or not

A few days ago, I was in a real funk. It was one days where a step forward resulted in 4 steps back. And I took the emotional hit for it. It seemed that little had meaning to me and I am definitely a meanings girl.
Why was I even making things for my shop? What difference did it make? Yeah, I might make some money, but surely creating had to result in more than just money.
I talked to people. Spent time alone. Took some time off of working on anything. Took a nap. Nothing worked.
The dogs needed to go out for what seemed to be the thousandth time of the afternoon. I leashed them up and out we went. It was raining. I love a rainy day and knew I was in trouble when even that didn't shift my mood.
My dogs have gotten used to walking in the rain. Indy, the little fellow, is like a sponge. His soft blond hair gathers moisture the way my hardwood floors gather dust bunnies. Charlie, sleek and short haired, is like a duck, able to shake the water off.
We walked in the front yard. At one point, I stood under a sheltering tree as the dogs sniffed. I realized that it was raining pretty hard and yet we felt nothing of it. Just 18 inches forward and we would be in the thick of it.
Since I am neither sugar nor a witch, we stepped forward. It was communion. I relaxed my neck so that my face was straight up to gather the raindrops. I just stood there. My eyes closed and sometimes open. Feeling my clothes get wet and wetter. My skin cooled and I felt the water run in small rivers on my scalp.
Alive. I felt so alive. I stood there, 2 leashed dogs standing by my side, in the midst of a veritable green haven, trees surrounding us and wet grass and clover under our feet. The rain fell and my mood soared. The wetter I became, the happier I felt.
I had to run an errand later that day. I saw the recycling truck and guy on the road up ahead of me. I had to take this photo of the street and if you look up the hill, you can vaguely see his truck. I sat for a few moments and what I realized was that he and I were kindred spirits of a sort. He wasn't bothered by the rain. In fact, by his behavior you wouldn't know that it was raining.
This cloud was from my craft run today.
And this rainy night time shot is driving home just a little while ago. I love the way the colors just melt across the pavement. It always reminds me of Paris in the rain. Must have been from another life.
Thanks for the rain. Thanks for the connection. Thanks for the release. Thanks for the beauty and all the second chances.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Congratulations, Melissa!

Wishing you great joy, Melissa!
Melissa graduated college on Friday morning. She is beautiful and brilliant, and I am not just saying that because she is my niece! We are all so proud of her!
It was amazing to watch this happen. At the end of the graduation, I just started crying. Not the little "oh this is so touching" tears. These were the unstoppable energy tears. Being in the coliseum, surrounded by thousands of people who felt the same way for their family It was palpable.
Melissa is the kind of person who changes lives. She has a heart greater than her body should be able to contain. She is loving and kind and sweet and funny and fun. You just feel good being around her.
So it isn't surprising that she chose to become a teacher. I think about the countless number of children who will learn to love learning because of Melissa. She will change the world in the way that is most perfect to who she is.

My greatest wish for her is that as she graduates from student to teacher, from young adult to adult, that she knows that life is for creating. It isn't about just accepting. Yes, be happy for what you have. For those in your life. But understand that you are powerful. You are the creator of your world. You can have everything you want and in the way that you want it. It takes faith. But it is there for you.
The world will tell you all sorts of scary things...bad economy, no jobs, you can't, you shouldn't...don't buy into it.
There is always a need for someone who is extraordinary. And you are simply that, Melissa. Extraordinary.
I love you. Go be your most fabulous self. The world will be that much better for it.


My sister Sandy and her husband Greg have recently adopted a new puppy. Meet Bosco, 10 month old sack of sweetness and bounce.
Sandy is an extraordinary photographer. While cleaning, she took these photos of their new baby.
I know that we adopt these animals. I have 2 dogs and 3 cats. A lot of times these animals are called rescues.
I think that this is completely backwards.
They are the rescuers. We are the rescues.
They move into our homes and
hearts. In a matter of days, they love us beyond reason. They don't ask all the questions that we do...are they the right ones for me? Is this what I want in my life? Have I looked around enough to be sure?
They just start to love, start to trust. Start to make their new home with their new family.
I watch my own dog, Charlie, who was so timid a year ago when we adopted him. Now he plays with people that he wouldn't go up to. He is so much more confident. Strangers aren't a reason to cower anymore.
He is happy.
I spent the weekend celebrating my niece's graduation. The party was held at Sandy's beautiful house. A fabulous garden party.
I watched Bosco and how he was bouncing around, tail swagging, seeing new things and enjoying life. I watched him follow my sister, if not physically, then with his eyes. Always wanting to find her, to be with her. Saw him with my brother in law, how happy Bosco was when he got a cuddle from Greg. A treat. Went for a walk.
Bosco has no questions about how he got where he is. He's just dog happy that he is.
Long ago I heard the quote, "I want to be the person that my dog thinks I am."
I love that. But maybe I want to be the human version of who my dog is.
Not sure that I could ask to be a better person than that.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Incurable Optimist

I am rewatching...actually recording now...the tv special Michael J Fox: The Adventures of an Incurable Optimist. What a fantastic show.
Yesterday I was on a teleseminar with Elyse Hope Killeron about Creating Prosperity. Again, fantastic! One thing that she said is that we are all recovering intellectuals. If I hadn't been on mute, the group would have heard me laughing. I am guessing had we not been on mute, I would have heard the class laughing.
Earlier in my life, when I thought I knew a lot, I really valued my intellect. I loved that I could have 3 lines of separate thoughts running in my head all at the same time.
Now I really don't care what I know. Now I care about experiencing...what I have and haven't yet experienced. Anyone who knows me, has ever known me, knows I am an emotional being. And when I think back to things, I remember how it felt. I remember some details but I remember how I felt during the experience. What the environment felt like. I remember feelings like others remember smells.
Being a recovering intellectual, I can now say that I am an optimist. When I was in college, I described myself as a realist. I was an optimist who was hedging my bets. And being an emotional being, I choose to feel happy.
So it is no surprise that I love this quote from the Michael J Fox show..."Optimists are open to alternatives in the face of adversity. They deal with reality head on. That hope flourishes in groups and resonates when people are doing what they love. And that happiness is contagious. You can give it out like newspapers. Feel it in everything you do."
Hand it out like newspapers.
Hand it out like newspapers.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The tale of the Filter and the Sponge

This is the story of the Filter and the Sponge (inspired by Joe Nunziata). This is also posted on my coaching blog.
There once was a little filter who breezed through life. She was happy and open to all sorts of experiences. She had a little friend, the Sponge. The Sponge loved life. She wanted to soak it up. In fact, she loved life so much that she wanted to soak it ALL up and never let anything go.
The filter and the sponge decided to go out together one day. It was going to be a grand people to meet, things to see, and things to experience.
As soon as the filter and the sponge arrived at their first fabulous stop, they came across a very sour lemon. The filter said "Ah, I love the smell of lemon. It is so clean and fresh and makes me feel so happy." So the filter took in all that she loved about the lemon.
The sponge said "Ah, I too love the smell of lemon. I also love its color. Let me just soak it all up." And she did.
They moved onto their next great adventure. But the sponge wasn't feeling too good. She has taken in the great parts of the lemon but also the little seeds. And the stringy stuff between the sections, and to be honest, this lemon was particularly sour.
She asked the filter how she was feeling. The filter was Great! as she went up to a cotton candy stand.
Ah, cotton candy, thought the sponge. That will help balance the sour.
She took in all she could while the filter smelled the sweetness and enjoyed the light spun pink.
Very quickly, the sponge realized that it wasn't going to help at all. In fact, she felt even worse now. She felt too bad to even say anything to the filter.
They then came upon the perfect treat. Fresh strawberries lightly dipped in the most heavenly of chocolates. The filter took it all in. All the perfection.
The sponge...well, while this was everything that she had wanted, she couldn't take anything else in. She was too full of all the things she didn't want.
The filter, when noticing that the sponge wasn't enjoying the strawberries said, My Friend, you love strawberries. Why don't you have some?
The sponge said "I have no room. I am full of lemon smell and rind and tartness and yellow and pink and sugar and..."
Filter said "Oh dear, why didn't you take just what you wanted? Why did you take everything, even the stuff you didn't love?"
The sponge, with her little sponge head hanging low, said "It is my nature to soak up everything. I didn't know that I could choice what I wanted and leave what I didn't.
The filter said "It is always your choice, my friend. You should fill yourself, but only with what you love."
Sponge said, "Thank you. Now I know and I will only soak up what I love. The rest I will let go. And when I become too full, I will release that which I no longer love so that I may experience wonderful new things as they come along."
Filter responded, "It is a very wonderful life, Sponge."

Monday, May 11, 2009

fun done

I did today a bit differently. I mentioned on my coaching blog this morning that I read a great email from Elyse Hope Killaron,, about the difference between doing and being. Instead of hanging my energy on what I had to do, I chose who I wanted to be. It was really empowering.
Lots going on this week. My niece, Melissa, is graduating from college this weekend. The family is putting a lot together for a fab party. I am the decorating committee. There's lots I wanted to do and time just ticked away.
So this morning, instead of thinking of the To Do list that kept playing in my head, I decided who I wanted to be. I decided that today I was love, peace, joy, ease and flow. Being all of those things, I took a look at what I was going to do.
The first thing that happened was I felt relaxed. I felt as though I had a ton of time. I needed to take the trash and recycling out and do a lot of sewing. I hate sewing but it is needed for the party...need the perfect effect and I won't be able to buy what I want anywhere.
So, in this relaxed state, I did the trash/recycling run and I watched most of "Michael J. Fox: The Adventures of an Incurable Optimist." Great show. I haven't finished all of it yet but I want to record it to CD. Such a great reminder that happiness is a choice.
Anyway, when my day moved to the graduation prep time came, I didn't even choose to do the sewing. I planned a handbound book to commemorate the event. I felt compelled to work on that. I did it and it was fun. One day this week was to do that and instead of doing what I HAD to do, I did what was fun to do and my day was glorious. I feel so much lighter about what I have left to do. I feel an openness that I didn't expect in a hectic week.
I love this idea of deciding what I am going to be and then taking action on that.
It was so much fun and landed up being really productive.
I think I will make this idea a daily practice.

Thursday, May 7, 2009


There is a message that I have been receiving lately that is inescapable.
It doesn't matter if anyone else gives me any recognition...what matters is that I give myself recognition.
This message has come to me from all different sources. Apparently I wasn't getting the message clearly enough so the Universe just kept on sending it. And for that I am really grateful.
I was talking with Coach Teresa Haines of Colorado. She is a dynamo and she made a great statement...If you are looking for recognition from someone else, that's where you will stay. If you are looking for recognition for a job well done from an employer, then you will always work for someone else.
If the recognition of our own worth, and even more than this, if our own worth truly comes from us, then we are freed...freed from the constraints of others opinions and expectations.
When I trashed all the files on my laptop that related to the job I was released from, I felt a huge surge of energy. I felt the weight lift. I found that the space that job had taken was now free and a room in a new house. I got to choose the furniture and the touches that I wanted to fill this space with. What a blast!
Each of us has our own light. And even if we are the only light in the darkness, the darkness fades. We don't need someone else to tells us. It's nice, certainly. But it doesn't stay with us the way that our own deep down knowing does.
What if each of us took 2 minutes a day to recognize the cool things that make us unique? What would that do for us...for our world?
Let's find out...starting now.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

shattered showers

rain gathers all day
fat gray clouds wring themselves white
thunder rolls, big bang

Happy Birthday, Dadsy!

Just a shout out to Dadsy on his birthday! I hope this year brings you dreams that you haven't even thought of yet, joys big enough to fill the sky and love that always warms your heart. Thank you for being you!
Wishing you many more years of extraordinary life!

The Heavens Rejoice!

It has happened! It was a very long time in the making but my new website is now up and live. There are a few things left to do but life is about one step at a time. This is just a screen shot of the home page banner.
I am amazed how many people were instrumental in making this happen. Beth, Erik, Mary, Tom...the guy at Yahoo Web Hosting, buddy in Germany, Karen Cappello, ICA, Stuart and me. That doesn't even count all of the people who created iWeb and made it relatively easy. My gratitude goes out to so many people. Wow.
I love this. My first website thrilled me for about 30 minutes. Then it was a slow drop into "I can't bare to look at it". This one contains no apologies for being keeps some professional rules...but it is me and will resonate with the people that I should work with.
Amazing to me that it took being released from ICA to get me back on track to my vision.
I am tired and grateful.
I think I will sleep the sleep of the kick ass website owners...

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Go in

looking for a sign
a beacon calls bright; stop
looking out. Go in.

Monday, May 4, 2009

oh bother...

I feel like a cross between Pooh Bear and Eeyore today. Stuck in a hole...following my blind love for honey and feeling a bit of despair at the whole affair.
I just
filed my last invoice with ICA. For all intents and purposes, all is normal. This is when I would have submitted it. I will get paid at the normal time. But of course, I am no longer working for them.
I am out in the world without Christopher Robin. I have packed my little bandana, tied it, stuck it on a stick and have started down the path.
Hm, now where was I going? I am not quite sure.
I have the great joy of being at a crossroads. I spent the day working on my website which deals both with my coaching and my creative stuff. I set up a blog for each and I have gotten my etsy store about ready for merchandise. I feel that I am moving but I am not sure where I am headed.
That is not quite right, is it? Obviously I must have an idea. Coaching. Yes. Make stuff. Yes. Those seem like directions so why do I feel out of sorts?
Not sure.
This is where faith comes in. I am between worlds and maybe that's it. I want to make the leap. Just don't know how to. Feels a bit like running to scream in a dream.
I put this photo in today just in case I overlooked a 4 leaf clover. (Really bad song reference.) Oh bother.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Just ask

I forgot something yesterday. Fortunately, my friend Beth reminded me today of the truth.
Yesterday, somewhere in the afternoon, I lost focus. Blame it on the mega doses of vitamin D which was clouding my poor little brain cells or the fact that I am human. No matter.
I gave into my fear. Fear that nothing new was going to come to me. Scarcity was setting in. I took on the fear around me and started to feel that it was truth.
I should have known, even in the moment, that wasn't real. My body felt bad. My mind was troubled. I felt anxious. None of this is an indicator of truth but rather of misalignment.
So I was thinking about how I was going to get myself out of this feeling and get back to my truth. To what I believe is the Universal truth. This is an abundant Universe and what we focus on is what we get.
When I asked Beth for some help with a quick perspective shift, I told her what I wanted to do. Get back to my flow and open to the abundance of the Universe.
Her advice?
Just ask for it.
Oh, yeah, that's right. Ask and you will receive.
Asking is not just for having. Asking is also for being.
Thank you, Universe, for your loving support, showing up in all your infinite forms. Thank you.
Here is a photo that my husband stumbled upon a while ago. He thought, rightly, that it would resonate with me.
Here it is for a little reminder for each of you.