Thursday, February 12, 2009
Mine eyes have seen the glory
You know, when you get lost inside of your own darkness, the world loses color.
And I am a color junky. Color shifts my mood. Profoundly. My studio is painted in "Pooh's Favorite Things", which you might expect to be the color of honey but it isn't. Color thrills me.
But they have been lost to me.
I know that the glorious colors that normally inspire me were still around me. But in my world, they were sucked into the black hole of my energy. After going to the doctor the other day, I felt so much more hopeful and energized that I actually felt like going to the grocery store.
I walked in and just fell in love in the produce department. They had just gotten new display fixtures and were starting to fill them with colors! I was blown away. I was smiling and snapping pictures like a fool.
The manager was watching me warily and I knew that he must think I was from another store. I chatted with him for a moment to make him think (rightly) that I was not a grocery spy. And just kept taking pictures.
It made me wonder, if I could have missed the awesomeness of the color riot in the produce dept, then what else I have missed while I was busy being a victim to a list of physical symptoms. What went by that won't be back?
But going to the doctor was a reclamation of my power, an affirmation of self care.
A few years ago, my bestfriend and I went to a personal development program called Legacy. It was a pretty extraordinary experience.
One of the things that came out of that was a statement that has stuck with me. It has been boiled down to "We need the wood." The full sentiment was to get off the cross because we need the wood. No point in being a martyr. We have power and if we give it away, in whatever way, we are a victim.
Going to the doctor was me giving up the cross, even the need for the cross. It was time for me to empower myself, even if I didn't know the way out (see earlier post).
My immediate reward was color. Beauty. Wow. Big fan of immediate gratification. So thanks, Universe.
Thanks for waking me up. Thanks for my billionth 2nd chance. Thanks for the reminder that life is glorious even if I lose sight of it sometimes.