I have a couple of dead azaleas.
I think they died last year. Not one to give up too soon, I gave them a 365 day grace period. But it's pretty clear...it's time for them to go. Soon I will get the shovel out and release them from their earthly shackles.
Whatever will I do with the space? And will I lose all concept of the volume of space I have available and go on a plant buying spree?
It has me thinking about my life. I am torn between the clean lines of organized living and the chaotic life of a creative. (New term that I love and am adopting.)
I have the mixed blessing of having 2 young pups and 3 cats. Lots of pet hair. Lots of things that were too beautiful not to get. And not enough room.
Don't get me wrong. While I was born with the genes to land up on a pack rat episode of Oprah, those genes are mostly dormant. Unless it is paper or craft supplies.
But I keep being called to purge. I do this pretty regularly but never seem to make any headway.
Then there is the emotional tie. I still have some stuffed animals. Did I mention that I am 47? Not tons but the ones I have, have meaning.
What if I get rid of something and then miss it? I actually gave an earthen ocarina to a friend a while back and didn't get over it. I actually asked for it back after a few months. Can you even imagine?
But I give a lot away. A lot. Fortunately I have a few good outlets for giving. But not enough energy to keep it up. I do best when I am truly not in the mood to clean. That's when there is a mass exodus.
I want to create a new way of being. I have what I want. I want what I have. I live in the moment and that which surrounds me is there because it has meaning to me now.
I don't know how to reconcile the emotional attachment vs the currently meaningful great debate.
I guess it is one step at a time. Love what I have. If I can release it to someone who will love it more, then it is time to do so. If not, then don't. I think I am beginning to see the upside of a bad memory! If I give something away that I then decide I can't live without, I can wait awhile and forget all about it!
Perhaps this will be a lifelong battle. I don't know. All I can really think about now is what beauty will take the place of the azaleas.