Friday, March 20, 2009

the momentary

I've been giving a lot of thought to Mary's comment on my Dead Azaleas post. She's a wise one, that Mary.
Here is what she said...
we surround ourselves with what we love and hate to let it go. When I'm in a mood to purge, and I hesitate about giving something away, I think of it as "sharing" with the universe, as opposed to "giving away." It feels better. Plus, I remember all the wonderful things people have given me and how I felt receiving them. And my mind goes back to when my mother would bring home clothes from St. Vincent dePaul and lay them on my bed to see when I got home from school. I loved them and treasured them, even though they were used. So, I try to do the same for someone else, hoping s/he will have that same feeling when they receive or buy something I've "shared" with the universe and it's made its way to them.
That really got me to thinking about why I feel sometimes that giving feels like it is being torn away from me.
It's not that I don't love giving. I love giving. I really love giving. In fact, if I could just give everything away, with no need for money, I would be purely delighted.
It comes from a feeling of scarcity. If I let it go, I have lost something. Maybe even someone.
It's the meaning. The person who gave it to me. The occasion for which I received it. The place where I bought it. As though, if I hold onto these things, then I can hold on to that time, that energy, that moment. That person.
That's not the way life works though, is it?
I have had the experience of having a friendship or relationship that didn't last as long as I expected. I remember when I first realized that 'forever' isn't as long as it might seem sometimes. Recently one of my nieces had a friend exit her life. She felt horrible about it. Felt like she didn't know this person and really didn't know if they were, in fact, ever friends.
It feels like a betrayal and one might start to wonder if that friend or partner was truly what they seemed to be in your life.
They were.

Some things are transitory. The moment of being friends or lovers, of the emerging butterfly or you catch the eye of a bird. The length of time doesn't determine the quality of an experience. The depth of feeling is what is important.
Opening up that new perspective, it is my joy to share the times whose time with me has passed, though their significance will stay with me. I understand that my pull to purge these things is actually a calling from a part of myself that is surely the wiser part. The part that understands that we are all connected and that allowing items or energy to flow from one to the other is the natural order of things. It reminds me of a quote from Stuart Wilde...We don't owe things, we are just borrowing them. How did I forget that? Maybe somewhere along the way, I thought that 'ownership' meant a lifetime commitment.
That doesn't serve me or those around me at all.
It might, at first, feel like a betrayal to give something away. But it isn't. It is a celebration of joy, of giving, of connectedness, of gratitude. The gift of an item can never take away the meaning I hold for the moment it entered my life or what it meant to me. Never.
This opens up the part of me that wants to give and give and give and bring light to those who would have it. I am thinking of all sorts of places that I can share my stuff now. Who can I give it to? Who can I share the joy that I felt when I got it with? How creative can I get doing this? What do I have in my possession that really belongs to someone else now?
I am challenging anyone who reads this post to see what they have in their lives that wants to go to someone else.
Today I am celebrating the momentary. For without it, there would be no new. Happy Spring. Happy New. Happy Momentary.All photos © Erik Prince. If he ever gets off his butt, you can purchase his work on

1 comment:

Noodle on This said...

Beautifully said, Ellie. And this is soooooo you. The real you. I'm glad we're connected!